How do we “knock-out” the bullying?

“You’re Gay. Fat. Stupid. Ugly. Poor. No-one likes you.”
These are the words of the bully. The bully uses these words to demean, deflate, and destroy. Sometimes it escalates to punching, kicking, throwing objects — or worse.
But, it doesn’t matter whether it’s verbal, physical, or emotional. Bullying is abuse.
And, at the heart of all abuse is one thing: the intent to harm another.
Many times it works. Too well, in fact.
Take for instance the story of 11-year-old Carl Walker-Hoover.
Carl’s peers teased him relentlessly since starting sixth grade in September of 2008. Carl told his mother that fellow students at the New Leadership Charter School were teasing him about being gay, even though he did not identify as a homosexual.
Carl’s mother reported the bullying to school officials on several occasions, but regardless of her efforts the bullying continued. Reluctant to be labeled a “snitch,” Carl kept the names of his bullies a secret.
On April 6th, 2009, the pain was too much for Carl. He hung himself with an extension cord in his home. To her horror, his mother found him dead — just moments before she was to meet with school officials about the bullying.
It was more than just words that led Carl to suicide.
It was the loneliness, alienation, feelings of worthlessness.
How lonely must it have been for Carl to be unaccepted by his classmates? How unconnected and insignificant must he have felt?
That’s what bullying does to people. And, in Carl’s case it ended with the ultimate sacrifice:
His life.
As a society, our attention is drawn to Carl because it ended so tragically. We say what a terrible thing to happen. He was so young and had so much potential. He had so much to give.
For so many more bullying leads to a life of pain. It doesn’t end suddenly. Instead, the suffering continues. Weeks. Months. Years. Even a lifetime.
Bullying can cast a dark spell, darker than many people would imagine. The constant taunting and teasing takes its toll, and soon even the most upbeat and optimistic can turn lethargic and glum. Bullying can suck the air out of someone’s soul.
All that’s left is a hollow shell.
What can we do about it?
Most of the bullying prevention strategies involve taking a no-nonsense approach to dealing with cases of harassment. Schools are increasingly adopting “zero-tolerance” policies to show students that there are severe consequences for choosing to harm others.
One person that believes in strict policy to prevent bullying is Spencer Williams. At 18 years old, Spencer will assume the position of school board member elect in the Upper Scioto Valley district in Ohio at the start of 2012, and become the youngest school board member in Ohio. One of Spencer’s focuses is bringing a strict bullying policy to his school district.
Spencer says it’s important for all school districts to have bullying policies to prevent violent and harassing acts and preserve student safety. Such policies may decrease the amount of bullying, and may help prevent incidents similar to Carl-Walker Hoover.
But, besides what we don’t want students to do, what is it that we want them to do?
What behaviors should be encouraged and rewarded?
It all comes down to inclusion, acceptance, and connection.
According to the National Education Association, “The more connected students feel. . . the more likely they are to experience positive outcomes in other areas of their life and the less likely they are to engage in risky behaviors.”
Specifically, if a bullying victim feels he or she has the support of the school, he or she is less likely to dwell on the bullying and allow it to have such a tremendous effect on him or her.
Our challenge lies in how to create this school climate that is accepting of all individuals.
And, ultimately, it’s up to us as leaders to bring about the change we want to see.
