“You’re Gay. Fat. Stupid. Ugly. Poor. No-one likes you.”

These are the words of the bully. The bully uses these words to demean, deflate, and destroy. Sometimes it escalates to punching, kicking, throwing objects — or worse.

But, it doesn’t matter whether it’s verbal, physical, or emotional. Bullying is abuse.

And, at the heart of all abuse is one thing: the intent to harm another.

Many times it works. Too well, in fact.

Take for instance the story of 11-year-old Carl Walker-Hoover.

Carl’s peers teased him relentlessly since starting sixth grade in September of 2008. Carl told his mother that fellow students at the New Leadership Charter School were teasing him about being gay, even though he did not identify as a homosexual.

Carl’s mother reported the bullying to school officials on several occasions, but regardless of her efforts the bullying continued. Reluctant to be labeled a “snitch,” Carl kept the names of his bullies a secret.

On April 6^th, 2009, the pain was too much for Carl. He hung himself with an extension cord in his home. To her horror, his mother found him dead — just moments before she was to meet with school officials about the bullying.

It was more than just words that led Carl to suicide.

It was the loneliness, alienation, feelings of worthlessness.

How lonely must it have been for Carl to be unaccepted by his classmates? How unconnected and insignificant must he have felt?

That’s what bullying does to people. And, in Carl’s case it ended with the ultimate sacrifice:

His life.

As a society, our attention is drawn to Carl because it ended so tragically. We say what a terrible thing to happen. He was so young and had so much potential. He had so much to give.

For so many more bullying leads to a life of pain. It doesn’t end suddenly. Instead, the suffering continues. Weeks. Months. Years. Even a lifetime.

Bullying can cast a dark spell, darker than many people would imagine. The constant taunting and teasing takes its toll, and soon even the most upbeat and optimistic can turn lethargic and glum. Bullying can suck the air out of someone’s soul.

All that’s left is a hollow shell.

What can we do about it?

Most of the bullying prevention strategies involve taking a no-nonsense approach to dealing with cases of harassment. Schools are increasingly adopting “zero-tolerance” policies to show students that there are severe consequences for choosing to harm others.

One person that believes in strict policy to prevent bullying is Spencer Williams. At 18 years old, Spencer will assume the position of school board member elect in the Upper Scioto Valley district in Ohio at the start of 2012, and become the youngest school board member in Ohio. One of Spencer’s focuses is bringing a strict bullying policy to his school district.

Spencer says it’s important for all school districts to have bullying policies to prevent violent and harassing acts and preserve student safety. Such policies may decrease the amount of bullying, and may help prevent incidents similar to Carl-Walker Hoover.

But, besides what we don’t want students to do, what is it that we want them to do?

What behaviors should be encouraged and rewarded?

It all comes down to inclusion, acceptance, and connection.

According to the National Education Association, “The more connected students feel. . . the more likely they are to experience positive outcomes in other areas of their life and the less likely they are to engage in risky behaviors.”

Specifically, if a bullying victim feels he or she has the support of the school, he or she is less likely to dwell on the bullying and allow it to have such a tremendous effect on him or her.

Our challenge lies in how to create this school climate that is accepting of all individuals.

And, ultimately, it’s up to us as leaders to bring about the change we want to see.

I was not expecting to be moved on such a deep level.

On a recent trip to a local thrift store, I picked up a copy of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens” by Sean Covey. I’ve studied “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Sean’s father, Stephen Covey, and I was curious to see how Sean Covey presented these leadership principles to teens.

I was excited to find that Sean Covey had gone to great lengths to make the 7 habits relate to teens by discussing what matters most at that age: sex, friends, school, work, family relationships.

But, one of the things that struck me was Covey’s case for “beginning with the end in mind.”

When you’re a teenager, sometimes it’s really hard to begin with the end in mind because you’re more focused on the day-to-day things in life. Seeing yourself in 5 to 10 years is a challenge for many people, but for teens, it’s increasingly difficult. I would hazard to say that an alarming amount of teens don’t even know where they see themselves tomorrow.

As a part of the discussion, Covey asks the reader to fill out a personal discovery in preparation to write a personal mission statement. Covey asks questions such as “think of a person who has made a positive difference in your life,” and “List 10 things you love to do” and so on so the reader can get a sense of what they really care about.

Mind you, this is a second-hand book and this information had already been filled in by a young man named Derrick.

This is what really stopped me in my tracks:

One of the questions that Sean Covey asks was “Describe a time when you were deeply inspired.”

The question brought to my mind all of the people and things that have motivated me to accomplish my goals in my life. I thought of teachers that have really motivated me to achieve beyond what I was capable of doing. I thought of movies that I’ve watched that made me cry. I thought of people that are sick, but that fight each and every day to make the most of life.

Then I read what Derrick wrote in his book:

“I can’t really recall when somebody deeply inspired me.”

…

My heart sank. I read it again.

“I can’t really recall when somebody deeply inspired me.”

The power of those words made me stop and put the book down. In that moment, I was overcome with a tremendous sense of loss.

I thought, “Isn’t that sad that this young man has been so unaffected with life that all he could manage to write in his book was that he couldn’t remember when someone deeply inspired him?”

But his response was so true. So honest. So painfully honest.

And it got me to thinking, “how many other people must be feeling that exact same way right now?”

How many people out there aren’t “turned on” by life? How many people don’t have any great motivating force that is leading them to do great things and live a meaningful life?

I thought how incredibly empty those people must feel every day.

Truly, the empty life is a life without inspiration. The empty life is a life of guilt and shame from not accomplishing your dreams. The empty life is a living body with a hollowed out soul.

What fills that soul and makes it sing?

Inspiration.

Literally, taken from inspire, “to breathe.” The spirit is the animating principle, it’s what gets us to push ourselves to do more. When we’re inspired, we’re moved towards something we care about. We’re more connected to life. We’re enlivened, exalted.

Behold the power of inspiration.

When we surround ourselves with inspiring people, teachers, movies, music, art, books, and ideas we can create motivational momentum. It’s like adding fuel to the fire. The more fuel you have, the hotter and higher the fire will burn.

The empty life is truly a life devoid of inspiration. There is no fuel, no passion, so your fire is nothing more than a dim glow, or worse. That’s why it’s so important to find what moves you.

If you’re not inspired, the first thing you’ve got to do is find a way to get inspired. Find what inspires you in everything that you do.

What Derrick wrote in his book inspired me. It told me “there is a message here that people can benefit from.”

My wish is that you find similar inspiration, something that turns you on to life. I wish for you something that moves you to do great things with your talents and skills.

I wish for you a spirit moved.

Stuff as much as you can in the closet.

That was my idea of cleaning my room when I was a kid. It was a philosophy that I carried with me throughout my childhood into adolescence.

When I was 5, I would crawl into the closet on a heaping mound of toys and dig for treasure.

When I was 16, my answer to “clean your room” was to pile action figures, blankets, clothes, magazines, and VHS tapes up to my waist in the closet. Then, I would push the sliding doors in, and pull them shut. Sure, the floor looked clean, but the doors bulged out like a swollen belly.

Often the closet was stuffed so full that the doors fell off track.

The worst thing was that it didn’t take long before I wanted something, but couldn’t find it. Usually it was at the bottom of the closet.

That meant dumping everything out on the floor again, and repeating the cycle of stuffing it all back in again. To say that my room was disorganized would be an understatement. Most of the time, it was a complete disaster.

As I grew older, I realized how ignorant I was when it came to organizing. I began looking at my accumulation of stuff and said:

This is ridiculous.

Something needs to change.

So, I began organizing my living space.

Here’s the three most important things I learned:

Every space has a purpose.

For example, the floor is for walking on. The floor is not for storing dirty clothes, video games, video game systems, water bottles, books, or DVD’s.

Video games and DVD’s go in their cases and on the shelf. Water bottles go in the fridge or in the trash. Books go on the bookshelf. Dirty clothes go in a laundry basket or hamper. Game systems are put up on the T.V. stand.

Closets are for hanging clothes. Each area of the closet should be used for hanging a specific type of clothes in an orderly manner. Dressers are for folded clothes. Each drawer should be planned with what will go in it, organized by type of clothes.

This is simple. But, it amazes me how so many people, including myself, have overlooked the power of organizing space by purpose.

For instance, the kitchen counter is for preparing food. The kitchen counter is not meant to store important papers, clean dishes, pictures, staplers, incoming mail, dog treats, magazines or broken knick-knacks.

The kitchen counter is for preparing food, and as such, should be clear of all non-appliances, and utensil or spice racks.

On the same token, the dining room table is where you sit to eat. That’s why they call it the dining room table. The dining room table is not meant to store anything on top of. Many times, the dining room table becomes a catch-all. The reason: either the items don’t have a space to go to, or the person forgets or doesn’t care about putting the items where they go.

This brings me to my second point:

Every item needs a home, and needs to find its home.

The biggest part of organizing your home is putting things where they’re supposed to go. Once each space has a purpose, then it’s our job as the leader of that space to make sure that the space fulfills its purpose.

For example, if the remote control goes beside the T.V., it needs to go back when someone is done watching T.V. Don’t leave the remote on the arm of the chair, or on the floor beside the couch.

If t-shirts that belong in the dresser, put them in the dresser as soon as the laundry is done. Don’t wait and let some other area of the house suffer.

Which leads to my third and final point:

Eliminate the clutter.

Get rid of what you don’t need or use. Box it up in storage. Give it to charity. Have a garage sale. It doesn’t matter what you do, just make sure you lead it out the door.

If it’s something that you’re never going to use, or its taking up too much space, then it needs to go.

It all goes back to keeping the winners, and ditching the losers.

Keep your house looking neat and organized, and get rid of all the unnecessary items that are just taking up space.

When you plan purposeful spaces, put items where they go, and eliminate clutter, you can organize your entire home into a comfortable living space.

And – you won’t have to worry about your closets collapsing on you.