I met her at a job interview.

Her eyes bugged out of her head, and her smile was obnoxiously wide.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so excited to meet you! Please have a seat.”

My fake detector was reading off the charts.

“I just love my job so much!” she said.

“Every day is a good day here!”

I couldn’t understand why she was so offensively nice. Creepy nice. The niceness that, instead of putting me at ease, made me want to run away before I got stabbed.

Did she have a medical condition? Was she manic?

Then, she told me everything I needed to know:

“It’s a lot of work here. We always stay busy. But, I drink 4 tall coffees a day, and it prepares me to give the best customer service!”

Then she asked me why I seemed nervous.

I was nervous because I wasn’t talking to a human.

I was talking to the coffee.

Somewhere along the line, she sold her soul to the brew. Bursts of caffeine-fueled hyperactivity replaced genuine niceness. The result was a massively fake energy.

Coffee is not a substitute for the energy required to make real connections with people.

You can’t fake being a nice person and get away with it. Sooner or later, people will be on to you.

As Jim Rohn said:

“Be careful what you become in pursuit of what you want.”

“You’re Gay. Fat. Stupid. Ugly. Poor. No-one likes you.”

These are the words of the bully. The bully uses these words to demean, deflate, and destroy. Sometimes it escalates to punching, kicking, throwing objects — or worse.

But, it doesn’t matter whether it’s verbal, physical, or emotional. Bullying is abuse.

And, at the heart of all abuse is one thing: the intent to harm another.

Many times it works. Too well, in fact.

Take for instance the story of 11-year-old Carl Walker-Hoover.

Carl’s peers teased him relentlessly since starting sixth grade in September of 2008. Carl told his mother that fellow students at the New Leadership Charter School were teasing him about being gay, even though he did not identify as a homosexual.

Carl’s mother reported the bullying to school officials on several occasions, but regardless of her efforts the bullying continued. Reluctant to be labeled a “snitch,” Carl kept the names of his bullies a secret.

On April 6^th, 2009, the pain was too much for Carl. He hung himself with an extension cord in his home. To her horror, his mother found him dead — just moments before she was to meet with school officials about the bullying.

It was more than just words that led Carl to suicide.

It was the loneliness, alienation, feelings of worthlessness.

How lonely must it have been for Carl to be unaccepted by his classmates? How unconnected and insignificant must he have felt?

That’s what bullying does to people. And, in Carl’s case it ended with the ultimate sacrifice:

His life.

As a society, our attention is drawn to Carl because it ended so tragically. We say what a terrible thing to happen. He was so young and had so much potential. He had so much to give.

For so many more bullying leads to a life of pain. It doesn’t end suddenly. Instead, the suffering continues. Weeks. Months. Years. Even a lifetime.

Bullying can cast a dark spell, darker than many people would imagine. The constant taunting and teasing takes its toll, and soon even the most upbeat and optimistic can turn lethargic and glum. Bullying can suck the air out of someone’s soul.

All that’s left is a hollow shell.

What can we do about it?

Most of the bullying prevention strategies involve taking a no-nonsense approach to dealing with cases of harassment. Schools are increasingly adopting “zero-tolerance” policies to show students that there are severe consequences for choosing to harm others.

One person that believes in strict policy to prevent bullying is Spencer Williams. At 18 years old, Spencer will assume the position of school board member elect in the Upper Scioto Valley district in Ohio at the start of 2012, and become the youngest school board member in Ohio. One of Spencer’s focuses is bringing a strict bullying policy to his school district.

Spencer says it’s important for all school districts to have bullying policies to prevent violent and harassing acts and preserve student safety. Such policies may decrease the amount of bullying, and may help prevent incidents similar to Carl-Walker Hoover.

But, besides what we don’t want students to do, what is it that we want them to do?

What behaviors should be encouraged and rewarded?

It all comes down to inclusion, acceptance, and connection.

According to the National Education Association, “The more connected students feel. . . the more likely they are to experience positive outcomes in other areas of their life and the less likely they are to engage in risky behaviors.”

Specifically, if a bullying victim feels he or she has the support of the school, he or she is less likely to dwell on the bullying and allow it to have such a tremendous effect on him or her.

Our challenge lies in how to create this school climate that is accepting of all individuals.

And, ultimately, it’s up to us as leaders to bring about the change we want to see.

When I come home, he whines and jumps at the door. He scurries through the house and picks up a tennis ball in his mouth. He wags his rear-end from side to side, and practically jumps out of his skin as he claws at the door to greet me.

And, no, I’m not talking about my cousin Cole.

It’s my family’s dog Biscuit, and he knows how to make an impression on people.

What about the impression Biscuit made on Christmas morning?

We woke up Christmas morning 2009 to find my cousin’s stocking on the floor — the contents scattered around the room.

Something had destroyed the stocking and left shiny silver chocolate candy wrappers scattered around the room.

Over in the corner, slinking down to the floor in shame, was our dog Biscuit.

He had knocked the stocking off the fireplace, tore out the stocking stuffers, and pulled out the sealed zip-lock bag of candy at the bottom.

Then, he ripped the bag to shreds and indulged himself in chocolate.

No, Biscuit didn’t go belly up.

The family watched as he threw up the Christmas chocolate all over his brand new doggy bed.

This is the same dog that ripped open a present under the tree, chewed through the box, and scarfed down a whole layer of chocolate covered cherries just 2 weeks prior.

This is the same dog that just the day after Christmas hopped up onto the computer table while the family was out shopping, and gobbled up 3 caramel chocolates, packaging and all!

This is the same dog that I found on top of the dining room table with a ripped open bag of powdered hot chocolate…

After scarfing down a pound of chocolate, it’s a miracle that he’s still with us today.

But, one thing’s for sure: he knows how to make an impression.

The Secret to Biscuit’s Success

The easiest way to make an impression on people is to:

1) Do something extraordinary.
2) Include people.

If you want to make a great first impression: smile and shake the person’s hand. Listen to them and ask questions about them. Be genuinely interested in them and what they have to say.

You don’t have to “go crazy” when you greet someone – but showing a little concern for another human being goes a long way. It’s something they will remember.

And, you don’t have to make yourself sick on chocolate, and make others clean up the mess.

Though, I’m sure it will leave a lasting impression if you do.